He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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