don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just google imaged poop.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
