I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
