Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You just made me feel so damn special
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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