I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
