he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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