We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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