there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
