Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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