We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize