i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
