sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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