you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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