I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
