im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
