if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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