You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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