I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
