He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
