Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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