she kept yelling 'call me bella'
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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