I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize