i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
