I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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