I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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