Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
