Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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