the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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