Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
third nipple confirmed
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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