wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
