Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
