Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
