my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
