a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
