i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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