Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
