i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize