nut hugger
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
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