it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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