dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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