Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
