I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It was confusing and full of hummus
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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