can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
