I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
