I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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