Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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