Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
