Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
