garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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