Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
