her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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