im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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