Ambien. No doubt about it.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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