He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It's official drugs can't kill me
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize