I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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