if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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