I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
