just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
