This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
