Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
