he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
