There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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