He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
