you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
