in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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