when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
