He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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