Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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