Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
