oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
