What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
