And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
