So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
