I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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