so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
